Following the end of festival of Eid, William’s latest podcast is an uplifting message about where we can find true happiness. In a world which is so broken and hurting it can be hard to find the light. What changes can we make to our lives to change this? Being merciful, selfless in your love for others, finding self love and smiling.

Transcript:

Well, hello. it’s Eid Mubarak. Actually, by the time you hear this, it’ll be some days after Eid. But this is a kind of Eid message. Well, it is an Eid message for goodness sake. Now normally, at this time of year, it’s Eid Al Adha, the time of the great sacrifice. This time of year, what would I do? I would give some moral message about international affairs. But I don’t know about you. I’m a little wary of the way things are in the world. The hate, the judgment that goes on. I even had to walk out a chapel the other day. I walked out of a chapel because the guy saying the prayers depressed me so much because why? Because he was talking about deliverance and talking of others as evil. At least that’s how I felt he was talking and I just couldn’t hack it, I removed myself. And yet, it is a rough world and we have a lot of hatred in it at the moment. So how do we counter this? How do we counter the depression and gloom that’s around, the despair that’s around? What’s the secret of happiness? I felt that was the message that I wanted to give. The secret of happiness, what is it for me? What is it for you?

There are few things that I believe that makes for happiness and I’m somebody that struggled with this, I had COVID and afterwards one of the symptoms of post-COVID is post-COVID blues. People get depressed after COVID. You have to fight tooth and nail to hold on to your sanity, some of you, of course some sail through the thing. So what’s the secret of happiness when you are under attack in that way or under attack financially, you’re in debt? That’s a big one. Or romantically if you’re feeling hurt? In any which way, in the many ways in which people feel depressed.

What’s the secret of happiness? How do you how do you hold on to or gain a state of happiness? St. Paul said, “I have learned, in whatsoever condition I am, there with to be content”. Well for goodness sake, good for you St Paul. I haven’t learned that lesson. And do we want to be content? Plato, didn’t he used to say, was it Plato? I think it was Plato or was it Cicero, one of the two used to say, “You don’t want to be content, cows are content, go out and do something”. And there’s an element of that. You know, we have to fight here, you have to pick yourself up like a bull. I mean, Karl Marx used to say there are hammers and anvils in the world, you divide the entire people of the world, they’re either hammers, or they’re anvils. And it’s truth in that you know, be a hammer, make a difference. What was that guy? I forget his name now, but my wife Veronica always quotes him, “no person made greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little”. I mean, come on, we have to pull ourselves together but there are certain basics when it comes to happiness.

One is mercy and I think always mercy trumps justice. It does in Bible terms and in the Quran. Be merciful. Be merciful to those that hurt you otherwise you are holding a hot coal in your hand walking around, waiting to see who you can throw it at and it hurts you more. Be merciful to those who hurt or offend you, or whom you disapprove of regarding that treatment of you. I’m not saying necessarily you have to be merciful with regard to those who hurt others. Martin Luther King, didn’t he? I mean, he was a god with clay feet, if ever there was one. But he is a great, great man. Despite his failings, his many failings, when it came to the ladies. But he was a great man and many great men have failings. Anyway, Martin Luther King used to say, I’m paraphrasing there’s not these exact words, “fight to the death to defend another, but never defend yourself”. There’s an interesting approach. But, be merciful if you can, to those that hurt you. That doesn’t mean you endure abuse, you remove yourself from that situation, obviously. But be merciful. This is one of the secrets of happiness.

Second, secret to happiness is a sense of self worth. Now, hard to get a sense of self worth, how much we bash each other up. A dear friend of Veronica and mine, Amanda, sort of related by marriage, distant relation by marriage to Veronica, was dying of a kind of cancer, bowel cancer, and the day before she died, we were with her. She said to me “my legacy for you William is never criticize yourself because there are plenty of others that will do that for you”. Amanda was right. Every time I bash myself I try and remember Amanda. We need a sense of self worth. We’re very bad at that in the West, particularly bad at praising each other. The Arab world, they’re much better at praising one another. So, if you cannot value yourself, then fish for compliments, or spend time in the company of those that value you. Don’t waste time in the company of those who are going to criticize you. Step aside from them and spend time in the company of those that love you. And will praise you up and give you love and appreciate you because we really need a sense of self worth in this broken world.

And there’s another thing, third secret of happiness, smile. Even if you’re going through the valley of the shadow of death, smile through gritted teeth. You know the old bubble gum thing with the soldiers in the First World War. I’ve said it before, but the American GI’s were issued with bubble gum because it kept their mouths moist because fear is associated with a dry mouth. Honestly, that was why the generals decided to issue bubble gum to the troops, to make give them courage, so they wouldn’t have a dry mouth and so if you deal with the symptom of fear then it reduces the fear. So, if you deal with a symptom of misery, you smile even though you don’t want to smile, you don’t feel like smiling. Pretend to be happy, go through the motions of contrived happiness even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, then makes you happy. Try it next time you’re down. Force yourself into a fixed grin, smile. It’ll help actually.

Another thing that helps is selfless love. I mean, doing it, practicing it and not the love that demands something in return. I’m talking about selfless love. The love that is without expectation of reward and express that selfless love if you can. It’s empowering. It will strengthen you if you find opportunities to love without expectation of reward. You know what’s said in the Bible “perfect love casts out fear”. Perfect love does more than cast out fear, it casts out depression. So just give love and you will be helped because you are helping. It’s like the Arab proverb “my toothache is worse than 100 dead in Jerusalem”. But we have to switch them around and actually be selflessly loving because it helps us. There are things that would make life easier. a sense of security helps, you know no financial problems, but that’s not going to happen for most of us. In the absence of such a boon, then being merciful, having a sense of self worth if you can develop one, smiling, having a sense of selfless love. Yeah, these things help. Being merciful isn’t a defining character of most of us but if we can, where we can, it helps us to be merciful.

There’s a final element I guess in achieving happiness. Step away from those that cause you misery, even though it hurts you to do so. Step away. That’s a tough one. You can’t always do that because you love the person or whatever that may be that is causing you misery. Fine, okay. But there are situations in which you can step away, like me stepping out of Chapel. A dear friend of Veronica’s and mine, Neps, confirmed that to me. I was feeling ashamed of stepping out of Chapel when that guy was talking in a way that depressed m. She said no, step away from such situations that produce pain, don’t endure them, not even if you feel you need them. And then what? Take solace in refuge. Establish your refuge. Find some comfort and joy somewhere and control little elements. A dear man who was a kind of confessor to me, Father Jeff, told me that I should control the little things I can control. Walking the dog in the fields. Okay, if that’s a fixed point in my life, and I can control that, then those little fixed points, those little elements you control. I take Veronica out on Friday night, my wife, nowadays. Why? Is it out of love for her? I hope so. But there’s a major element of keeping my sanity. We go to the movies or something every Friday night. In a life in which we don’t control much, in which there are challenges, we need to seize the things we can control. But I come back to this, I mean, even the safe haven will not provide rest of your stress and so remove yourself from stressful situations if you can.

So that’s my recipe for the secret of happiness. Then another little thing, I guess. My cousin Tippy in America turned and said to me “William, talk to yourself, say nice things to yourself, walk and speak the things to yourself you need to hear”. I think there’s a truth in that and there’s a truth in listening to the still small voice within you that can help and lift you up. It’s there, pay attention to it, because it’s there. Call it God, call it whatever you like to call it, call your alter ego, but listen, and let it comfort you. Don’t seek trouble. Just seek peace and work to make the world a better place. Because you’re stronger. Because you are strong. Only you can make yourself strong in the end, and the love of your friends of course, but it does require something from you. Be conscious of the fact that you’re strong in this broken world. Eid Mubarak, God bless you. I don’t know whether that’s a helpful Eid message but I just wanted a different message this Eid. God bless you in this broken, troubled world. Let’s all work for a better tomorrow. Peace on earth and goodwill to one another. Amen to that. God bless.